It’s My Turn

It’s July 10, and I’m sitting in my car, ready to leave the insurance agent’s office, when my gynecologist’s office calls.

Nurse: “Mrs. Fosnaugh, we have the results from your breast biopsy. The pathology report shows you have Ductal Carcinoma In Situ, and we would like to refer you to a surgeon.”

Me: “Umm…what exactly does this mean?”

Nurse: “This is breast cancer, but it is non-invasive and caught very early. It is very treatable. If you have to have breast cancer, it’s the best kind to have.”

She gives me the surgeon’s name and tells me to expect a phone call the next day. I hang up, and all I can hear in my head is the word, CANCER. I’m numb.

I’ve heard the CANCER diagnosis four other times in my life, but not for me. At the age of 59, my mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. She died 8 1/2 months later. I was 31, and the mother of a 2 1/2 year old who would never remember her grandmother.

In 2012, my husband, Kevin, was diagnosed with a glioblastoma multiforme brain tumor. He died 5 1/2 months later at the age of 51. I became a widow at the age of 52.

In 2017, my father died of urethral cancer after a 10-month battle. He lived 87 long years, but still……. As he put it, “I have so much more I wanted to do!”

And the fourth? My step-daughter, Joy, became gravely ill after the birth of her first child. The diagnosis? Hodgkins lymphoma. She began chemo treatments 3 days later while her newborn was still in NICU! After several months of grueling chemo treatments, caring for a newborn, undergoing radiation treatments a year later and removal of a benign tumor in her leg, she got the report: IN REMISSION!

So….the word CANCER has imminent loss attached to it.

After the nurse’s call, my first course of action is to head to the public library. And why?! Just the day before, I spotted a book on the “New Arrivals” shelf, and thought “I may need that.” I even took a picture of the cover, Surviving Breast Cancer for the Newly Diagnosed Patient. The book is still on the shelf, and I check it out.

I flip to the chapter on Ductal Carcinoma and begin reading. The author’s words confirm the nurse’s assurance that DCIS (ductal carcinoma in situ) is very treatable, and my racing thoughts begin to slow. Without credible information, my mind has arrived at the worst possible scenario. What a gift this book is!

After returning home, I login to my medical portal to view the pathology report. The first thing to catch my attention is MALIGNANT typed in bold red letters down the side of the page. I think the letters must be font-size 90! Seriously?! Is it really necessary to make the word, MALIGNANT, that big and bold?

I sit down with my husband and tell him about the call from the nurse, the book I picked up from the library, and the pathology report. We process what this means for the immediate future. He just accepted a 9-month contract to be an interim pastor in northern Alabama. Do we still go? Can we manage the course of treatment for DCIS AND pastor a church in crisis? Can we still go on vacation to the Canadian Rockies and Glacier National Park as planned in just 6 weeks?

Then I recall the promises God gave me just that morning:

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.” Isaiah 43:1-3

” ‘Because he loves me,’ says the Lord, ‘I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation.‘ ” Psalm 91:14-16

Whatever I have to go through, whatever we have to sacrifice, God has promised to be with me, protect me and deliver me! How can I fear the future when I have the assurance of God’s presence in the midst of the uncertainties and storms I may go through? I’m confident He will guide and direct all the decisions to be made and give me joy and peace in the midst of the process. Even if….the unthinkable happens and cancer takes my life…..I’m held in the palm of His hand. I have nothing to fear!

Over the next few weeks, I talk with breast cancer survivors, consult with my surgeon, radiation oncologist and oncologist to draft a plan, and learn everything I can about breast cancer!

Now I am armed with an awesome medical team, a comprehensive plan to eradicate the cancer and prevent recurrence, a host of family and friends supporting me, my loving husband by my side, and my strong God walking through it all with me:-). And I’m realizing cancer is just one of many difficult things life may throw at us. Cancer is something I have to navigate, but it does not define me. My identity is in Jesus Christ, my savior, redeemer, protector and refuge!

Can I be honest? My first reaction to the news from the nurse was fear and uncertainty. Now I have a “peace that passes understanding” because I know God is my rock. He is guiding every step of this process and will see me through whatever is ahead.

And the more I read, understand, talk to other women and process my diagnosis, the more grateful I am. I thank God for:

1. Early detection
2. New cancer treatments and protocols
3. Non-invasive stage (Stage 0!)
4. A well-respected, highly recommended surgeon and medical team
5. Women willing to share their breast cancer journey with me (several with the same exact diagnosis!)
6. A supportive husband, family and friends
7. No chemo!
8. Near 100% survival rate with lumpectomy followed by radiation

Yes, I have CANCER. It’s my turn. But I will survive, and be stronger on the other side!

(And in case you are wondering, we DID get to go on our trip to the Canadian Rockies and Glacier! Fantastic! And Lane IS serving as interim pastor at Longview Church of God in Vinemont, AL, where we have been welcomed with open arms and cared for so well:-)